Remembering

Yesterday was an auspicious day for Tibetan Buddhists.  I attended a Tsok feast, where I ended my weeklong "afternoon" fast.  I had some difficult dreams last night and some positive ones too.  Today has been relatively smooth, though far from stable.
    I remember when my qigong teacher first told me that I had foreign spirits occupying my body, an ability she developed while training under an advanced energy master growing up in China.  At first, I wasn't worried.  I knew the Buddhist practices to do and they had been successful for me in the past.  But this time was different.  The situation worsened.  I started barely being able to breathe and it felt like people were holding my body down when I would wake up.  Unfortunately, this was when I learned about paralysis ghosts and yin beings, beings who are stuck in the human realm and cannot move to the higher realms.  I tried to help them with the Buddhist sutras, but I didn't have enough energy.  I could barely open my mouth to talk and a few times my body completely froze and I would be fully conscious, trying to do everything I could do to move.  I remember screaming and screaming and still not being able to move my body.
   During this time, when the situation was really bad, I asked my qigong teacher (who is highly respected healer around the world) if I had developed schizophrenia from the foreign spirit issue.  She said no, and she told me to always remember what I was experiencing was real - even if others didn't believe me.  She said, 'look I can see what's going on, these spirits are locking you out of your body." She also said that they doing this so they could get enough merits to move on.
    Look, I also made some serious mistakes.  At the time, I was asking to go on soul travel to different places, including inner-plane ashrams, as I had read about in Joshua David Stone's Ascension series.  I don't believe the inner-plane ashrams are dangerous.  From my experience, they made me feel joyful and relaxed.  But some of the other places I went were dangerous.  Now I am strong enough again to transfer merits (via the Guan Yin Citta Dharma Door) to my karmic creditors[also known as foreign spirits or energy requesters] and I have enlisted some help from Hsi Lai Temple.  Things are improving, though I am far from a feeling of genuine stability where I can have a normal life.  But that is my hope and that is, hopefully, the reason for this blogging journey.  To give an idea of how fare I've come: For awhile I couldn't even go to a restaurant and sit still.  Terrible thoughts filled me constantly and seemed to attract difficult circumstances.  I couldn't go anywhere without having terrifying visions and extremely dark thoughts about others.  Now I can go places, store, restaurant and I'm basically ok.  Some frustrating thoughts, but I am not completely disabled by them as I was for awhile.
    I'm still reciting little houses on a good pace.  I just passed the 50 mark out of 800 that must be finished per the recommendations.  For anyone interested in trying the Guan Yin Citta Dharma Door, which has the potential to improve physical and mental illnesses, go to guanyincitta.com/en